Fuck! Meee!

I'm going to start with the post I was going to write on Saturday but never did. Nyla, like a typical new talker has difficulty with some letter sounds. The one we notice in particular is her inability to pronounce the "tr" sound at the beginning of truck and the "st" sound at the beginning of the word stuck. Instead she inserts the f sound so it sounds like she is saying fuck. It seems that she says these words quite frequently and it is very disconcerting to hear her say it so often. Some days we wait outside in the gazebo for Buddy to get home from work. The kids ride the 100 yards to the parking spot and think it is a huge treat. Friday when we were waiting for him Nyla excitedly said "Fuck! Meee!" Her mispronunciation seems uncannily appropriate when something is stuck. She dropped her baby doll on the floor of the truck and repeatedly said "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck." Sometimes it seems like she is just actually cursing.

One more lighter thing before I get to the serious stuff. Buddy told me that yesterday in the truck Bohdin turned to Nyla and told her that she had poop in her eyes. Nyla cried oh and covered her eyes with her hands. Bohdin started laughing so hard Buddy had to remind him to breathe.

Sunday morning around 4 am I woke up. I was experiencing some cramps. There was a tiny bit of blood. I was expecting another clot to come out soon. I had already prepared the path to the bathroom with a towel to catch the blood. I went back to bed. I couldn't sleep and the cramps became progressively worse. About 5 am I got up to take some medicine to ease the pain. I woke up just after 7am to the clot coming out. I didn't make it to the bathroom in time. In fact I wasn't even close. When I did sit on the toilet I felt lightheaded. I started walking back to bed but layed on the towel instead. Buddy was asleep in the other room with Bohdin. Nyla was sleeping a few feet away. I reached for my phone to call Buddy but he didn't hear. I continued to pass more blood. I knew I needed to get back to the ER. After the air conditioning stopped I called again. This time Buddy heard. I was feeling okay while I was laying down. There were still small clots and blood coming out. I told Buddy to get the number for the insurance company so I could okay the ER visit. As I was on the phone going through the lenghty process I started feeling worse. I could no longer talk on the phone so I handed it off to Buddy who was right next to me. At once another large came out with a giant gush of blood. Something inside of me just snapped and I started screaming and crying. Buddy told the guy on the phone that we needed an ambulance. I think he gave them our address before he was put on hold. Eventually he hung up on them and called 911 himself. I think it took longer than it should have. We don't live that far from the fire department. Nyla was awake by this time and sort of freaking out. She saw the blood but she's seen enough of that in the last few weeks. Maybe she sensed the urgency of the situation. She was determined to nurse. As I lay on the floor bleeding and going into shock Nyla was nursing. It was more helpful to all of us to have her comforted.
When they arrived I wish they moved with a little more purpose. They seemed so calm and nonchalant. I knew I was in trouble and wanted them to move at lightening speed. There were several of them in the room. It took them forever to get organized. They wanted to take me down the stairs in a chair. I asked if they could carry me instead since I would faint if I sat up. They weren't concerned about that and declared this to be the safest way. The trip downstairs I don't remember because I did faint. Buddy said he told them I lost consciousness since they didn't notice. He also came up with a plan to carry me downstairs using a blanket. I regained consciousness outside. I remember being in the ambulance and wondering why it was taking so long. Seriously the ambulance took forever. I read the paramedic report yesterday and it took one hour between their arrival at our house to the arrival at the hospital. If I was driving really fast I could get there in 20-25 minutes. By the way my blood pressure upon their arrival was the 70s/40s.
They started fluids in the ambulance. The ride felt both short and long in a way I can't describe. I thought I was going to code in the ambulance but I made it okay. Upon arrival they took me to a room right away. The doctor I had in the ER the week before took my case since she figured it was me based on the ambulance report. Their report said that I had lost consciousness and was almost posturing. Posturing is an involuntary muscle flexing that indicates a serious medical condition. In the ER they started an IV in the second arm and had fluids going in both arms as quickly as possible. I asked several times if I was going to die. I really felt like I was. Some of the ER stuff is fuzzy but for the most part I was quite alert even if I didn't seem like I was. It wasn't hard to think but it was hard to speak. Well maybe that's not quite true. The following day I said something to the doctor and he said I had said the exact same thing the day before. I don't recall that at all.
Soon they started me on blood. In all I had four units of blood over a period of about two hours. They worked really hard to stabilize me. They wanted to do an ultrasound but I wasn't stable enough to be moved. The large amounts of fluid they gave me which was about 11,000-12,000mLs caused pulmonary edema. I started having trouble breathing. I was coughing up pink frothy sputum. They started giving me Lasix to get rid of some of the fluid. At one point I felt a severe tightening in my arms and chest along with a strong taste in my mouth. The nurse stopped my transfusion of plasma right away even though the doctors didn't believe it was a reaction. She was right. There were always lots of people in the room although for the most part it seemed that most of them were just standing around. You know it's serious when there are at least 6 people in your room. The nicest part of the ER was when I was hypothermic and they gave what I think they called a bear blanket. I never felt cold but eventually I did feel nice and toasty.
Sometime between 11am and noon I was stable enough to go into surgery. The OBGYN told me they would do a D&C. If that didn't work they would do laparascopic surgery. He told me I had a 50/50 chance of having a hysterectomy. This entire time they were in telephone contact with Buddy who was still at home with the kids. I talked to him at one point because I wanted him to come in so I could say goodbye. I don't remember any part of the conversation. Buddy says I sounded pretty out of it. The first call was soon after my arrival. I talked to him again before surgery I think.
In the OR they prepped me for surgery. I don't know what they gave me but I felt like I was suffocating. I grabbed at my oxygen mask in a panic but several arms restrained me and put it back on. The next thing I knew I woke up in the recovery room. I was pretty groggy there and don't remember much. My mouth was really dry as it had been all morning. In fact in the ER earlier my nasal passages had swelled up so I had no choice but to breathe through my parched mouth. Buddy fed me ice chips in recovery. I was moved to the ICU. I was feeling better and continued to improve during my time there. I was in the ICU for about 22 hours. By the time I left I was sitting in a chair and walking to the potty.
I was an emotional wreck Sunday night and could hardly sleep. All I could think about when I tried to rest was the terrible event I had been through. I was scared about what had happened and scared that it would happen again. They couldn't give me a 100% guarantee that I was better. In addition they said they had never seen a case like mine before. I will have to follow up with a hematologist to see why I was bleeding so much. During the D&C they found a very small piece of placenta but they didn't know how that small piece could have caused so much bleeding. Hopefully it was that piece of placenta that was causing the bleeding. I am beyond ready to be done with this ordeal. The doctor was quite patient with me as I spoke with him on the phone at 1am crying. I was an emotional wreck. About five hours later he came by and once again I was a crying mess. I want to make sure to follow up with him to both thank him for his patience and show him that I am not usually a paranoid crying psycho.
I was moved to a woman's surgical unit to continue recovery. I was feeling much better but I still had to be observed for a while. My blood pressure had remained stable in the 90s/50s since the surgery but my electrolytes were still low so I had iv fluids going in. Because of the pulmonary edema they were also watching my lungs. By the time of my discharge my lungs were almost completely better. I am feeling quite well now.
This has been a very emotional experience. It was odd how everybody was shocked that I was doing so well. I was a little tired of being told how lucky I was to be alive. That scared me more than anything. When they told me I could go home this morning I shook with fear in my room until Buddy called. Hearing his voice, I knew he would take care of me and if something did happen he would be there for me. Arriving at home was also tough. I couldn't help but think about the last time I had been in the parking lot. I walked into the bedroom and saw the blood stain on the carpet. The blood had soaked through the towel. I will probably pursue counseling in the future. There are probably dozens of things I have left out but I will not review what I have written. This is at least a disjointed gist of what happened. I do not want to talk about this again for some time so don't ask.