Dysfunctional

Last Monday, the 20th, I had my first period after the miscarriage. The bleeding was alarmingly heavy. It's never easy to see blood pouring out of your body when it's not supposed to. I called my midwives and they told me to go to the ER. I didn't for several reasons. I didn't want to drag two kids to wait forever in a waiting room. I didn't think they could do anything to help me, etc, etc. The bleeding slowed down into a regular heavy period and continued to dwindle as expected.

Wednesday night the bleeding started again. I had to deal with the large clots and gushes of blood again. It was a heavy period and this sort of thing can happen. While odd it still was in the range of normal. Friday morning the blood began pouring out again. The first time could have been nothing but the second round 11 days later made me think that something was wrong. If this was going to happen it happened in the best possible way. Buddy was still home so he dropped me off in an empty ER where I could be seen right away. Buddy took the kids for breakfast and everything went as smoothly as possible. Just like the first time on Monday the really heavy downpour had stopped into something more manageable. Right before being wheeled into ultrasound the heavy bleeding started back up. It was still going strong when I returned. I had the nurse give me a bedpan so I could bleed into that since their toilet doesn't have a back and isn't as comfortable. The doctor came back in to do a pelvic exam and ended up calling for an OBGYN consult. Luckily that abnormal bleeding continued so they could witness it themselves. It sure made my story more believable. Despite what seemed like losing half the blood in my body I wasn't anemic (I try hard to get a good supply of iron in my diet). I found it odd that both doctors thought it would be best for the kids to leave the room but I said they would be fine and they were. They didn't care at all. It was just a pelvic exam. Bohdin was wrapped watching television and Nyla was occupying herself in various ways. In fact they've been pretty good troopers through all of this. Nyla was stepping all over the blood on the floor to come to me on the toilet. She got some tissue and wiped blood off my leg. The blood didn't phase her at all. Bohdin doesn't like stepping on blood so he stayed mostly away.

At one point either the nurse or doctor described my bleeding as lava coming out of a volcano. That was a really apt description. When I arrived I knew there was a good chance I could have surgery that day to remove placental tissue that was still stuck. That didn't turn out to be the case. There was no physical cause for the bleeding so it was called dysfunctional uterine bleeding which is a vague catch all diagnosis. I was prescribed medicine to stop the bleeding and strong birth control pills to try to bring my body's hormones back to normal.

By noon I had been there for hours. Buddy needed to go to work, Bohdin was hungry, and Nyla was tired. It was time to leave. I pushed the nurse to discharge me. I noticed that my blood pressure had been dropping throughout the morning but just before I got up to get dressed it was still in the 90s/60s. When I went to the bathroom to get dressed I felt just as I had right before I fainted after Bohdin was born. I rushed to the bed to lay back down. The nurse noticed and took my blood pressure. It was in the 80s/50s which is a tad low. Since they had just taken my iv out I had to drink 32oz of water as quickly as possible so I could still leave. My blood pressure was back into the 90s/60s and they very reluctantly let me leave. I think they could see I was lying about feeling better but what could I do. My time there was up. We needed to get back home.

I was wheeled in a wheelchair for the first time in my life which felt just as odd as earlier when I was wheeled on a hospital bed for the first time ever. I felt awful on the car ride home thinking for most of the 30 minute drive that I would pass out. I finally put my head on Buddy's shoulder which put me in a slightly more reclined position and allowed me to feel a little less awful. We finally arrived home and I had to climb two flights of stairs. I took one laying break in the middle but made it up. I felt horribly wrong anytime I was not lying down. Despite the 32 oz of water in the hospital and another tall glass of water upon returning home I didn't need to pee for hours. I had no choice but to lay down. I ordered pizza and had Bohdin give the delivery guy the money. I didn't have the energy to explain to him why I needed him to say keep the change when I had not given him any change. Nyla was all over me when I just wanted to rest instead of play. I told Bohdin to knock on the neighbor's door and ask if the could watch Nyla for a while. The husband arrived when they were knocking. I heard Bohdin mention that I had lost a lot of blood. My wonderful neighbor came and took Nyla and Bohdin. Bohdin was in and out between our places but he is big enough to leave me alone when I need it so that was fine. I'm so lucky to have such kind and generous neighbors.

I'm feeling better this morning. The medicine worked to make the bleeding stop. I hope this is the end to the blood because I am sick of having blood everywhere. It's on the sheets, the floor, the wall (it was really squirting out), and of course the toilet. I feel like I've spent the last several weeks cleaning up blood stain after blood stain. I'm so done with it all.

I wrote this because all of the events of this summer with the pregnancy and miscarriage will have bearing on whether Bohdin and Nyla will have more siblings. We've lost our innocence this summer and I don't know if I will ever be able to be around any pregnancy without thinking that something devastating can and may happen. I just found out that a friend is pregnant. My first thought was wow how wonderful but my second thought was wondering if this would be a viable pregnancy. I don't want her to go through what I went through. So instead of being completely excited for her I'm scared.