It's over

I was told by the midwife to expect a really strong period. She was way wrong and I wasn't ready for that. I didn't know anything about miscarriages. I also didn't know what women need during miscarriages because I had no idea what they were like. I feel like an asshole now for all those times I just gave an obligatory I'm sorry and then nothing else. I appreciate all of the support I received and I'm not trying to make anybody feel bad if they didn't do more. I wouldn't have known myself a week ago. People don't unerstand this process and there is not a support process in place for when it does.

If you want to know how brutal a miscarriage can be and you should because somebody else you know will go through this then read on. If not skip to the pictures.
The spotting started last week. I didn't think anything of it even though it had never happened before to me. There was bleeding after the ultrasound but I thought that was caused by the transvaginal ultrasound. It didn't last long. I took the kids to the mall playground after the appt and by the time we were home it was back to brown discharge. I looked up what to expect on the computer and it sort of fell into two categories. One was a strong period and the other was incredibly painful. I sort of glossed over the painful stories. Everything was going okay so far. I had light bleeding and light cramping. I expected heavy bleeding to start anytime. I wasn't worried.

At 2am Friday morning I woke up to pee. I was experiencing moderate cramping. I sat on the toilet and felt a plop. A large something (not a baby) came out. I thought it might have been the placenta. I went back to bed and experienced about 30 minutes of contractions with 1-2 minutes in between. I had to breathe and focus through them. I woke up Friday morning feeling fine. I thought I was done with the worst now and the heavy bleeding would start. Bleeding was really light. I had some moderate cramping through the day that cleared up about 5pm. I wasn't hungry but had hardly eaten that day so forced myself to eat a bowl of cereal. I went to bed a little crampy. I woke up at 5am to pee. There were some clots in the toilet. Every time I peed on Friday clots and blood would come out so it was more of the same. I went back to bed and then felt like I had to get back to the toilet and sit there a while. I didn't make it in time. As I was getting up my uterus erupted. There was blood everywhere. I left a huge trail of blood from the bed to the bathroom. It looked like a crime scene. My legs were covered in blood and I needed help. Bohdin had been sleeping with me but my husband and Nyla were in the other room. I heard Nyla waking up crying and I hoped my husband could hear me. He came and everybody was awake. I spent the next four hours in tremendous pain. The severe cramping would come in contraction like waves. How they could give an epidural to women in labor but nothing when having a miscarriage is beyond me. I had no idea how long this would last and if everything was okay. This was not like any period I've ever had. I got into the bathtub to relieve the pain. With every cramping session I pushed more clumps of tissue out. I think the pushing helped. I got into the bathtub several times. The last time I got in the water Bohdin came in and asked why the water wasn't bloody. He came back a minute later to deep red water. I had no idea if this was normal or if I needed help. I guess it was okay since I'm alive to write this today. I called the midwife on duty but couldn't talk to her since the pain was so severe. I handed the phone to my husband and she called in a prescription for Tylenol #3. I took one about 9am and it seemed to help. I also think the worst was over at this point. I was spent. I continued cramping and passing blood and clots the rest of the day but the severe pain never returned. I hope I'm done now but I don't know.

I'm mad that I received so little information and the information I did receive was wrong. I'm sharing this experience so others will know what a miscarriage is. I think it would have been slightly better if I knew what to expect. The pain in labor is similar in intensity but I know it will end when the baby comes out. I had no idea when the end would come. After rereading the stories, 4-6 hours of severe pain is common. If I could redo this I would choose the D&C.

On top of everything else Buddy, Bohdin, and Nyla have colds right now. Bohdin who usually takes illness in stride was grumpy with this cold. Last night as his nose was stuffed up he was tossing and turning in bed muttering "This sucks". It looked like he was copying my actions from that morning.